A Woman and Her Five Chalupas

2003-12-01T07:23:00.000-08:00

WHITE MASS

So, me and the four of the Chalupas are enroute to a lovely 5:30pm Saturday mass. The whole idea was that I was going to free up my day on Sunday, right?

So, in hindsight, I should have wondered why earlier in the day, A Beef and Chicken Chalupa had asked if they could put flour into balloons. I mean, really, why would I care, you know? A little flour, a few mini balloons, what harm could really come of it, right?

So, I guess, if I had been thinking, if I had been on top of my game, I would have checked their pockets before we got in the car. God only knows why I didn't. I guess I should have thought ahead, right?

So, halfway to church, a very, very, very large cloud of white dust envelopes my little tiny truck. Coughing ensues. Eyes burn. I can only imagine the worst. Terrorists have struck my vehicle and I am a target of chemical warfare in the form of anthrax, no doubt. I start wondering, why in the world is the Al Qaida targeting me? I haven't done anything to them, right?

So, as the white haze starts to clear, and I can vaguely hear the offending Chalupas say, "Oops.", I realize that I have been inadvertently bombed by Chalupas, not the Al Qaida. Once the flour particles clear the air, I can see that they look totally and completely amazed by the mess they just created. It was so funny, it was kind of hard to get mad, right?

So, at this moment I realize that we are oh, about 3.7 minutes away from the cathedral and we all look like, uh, well, we've had a ten pound bag of flour dropped on our heads. Lovely. Just lovely. I bet you wished you could have been there, right?

So, we dusted ourselves of the best we could, and continued on. I figured, hey, a little flour isn't going to stop us, right?

2003-04-30T13:05:00.000-07:00

PUPPIES ARE FUN?

It is still pouring rain here. Miss Molly, the new puppy, keeps tracking mud in the back door. So, now, not only do I have The Chalupas bringing mud in, but Miss Molly as well. She kept me up all night last night. Henry the Cat tried to kill her about 3:16am. Apparently, he is slightly miffed that he is not the only animal in the household now. I explained to him, in the nicest voice that I could muster at 3:16 in the morning, that "I am sorry I got the dog and you will have to get used to it and besides, you've lived with me for 8 years, you knew I was a b*tch, so what did you expect?"

Then I realized that I was talking to a cat.

2003-04-21T15:04:00.000-07:00

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES

The Baby Chalupa (Chicken - age 4) and I were waiting for Chalupa #4 (Beef - age 6). I said, "Hey, I wonder what's taking him so long?" She replies, "He needed to take a piss, Mommy."

No, really, she said that. Those exact words. Ewww.

2003-04-18T11:08:00.000-07:00

IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING

As I was trying on a knock-em-on-their-ass-show-every-bit-of-cleavage-I-have two piece swimsuit, Chicken Chalupa #1 casually mentioned to me that maybe, just maybe, I would look better in "one of those swimming suits that cover your belly, mom."

The truth hurts...especially coming from a 9 year old.

2003-04-05T19:16:00.000-08:00

SATURDAY EVENING

The Chalupas are restless.

2003-04-04T10:06:00.000-08:00

THE TASTY CHALUPAS

Five chalupas. Two Beef and Three Chicken. It's a good combo meal. Supersized and ready for consumption.